D. D. Scott, Muse Therapist

I'm thrilled to announce a new set of articles I'll be debuting soon on Muse Therapy.

And no, I'm not talking about MUSE Therapy as in erectile dysfunction therapy in which 'MUSE' stands for a 'medicated urethral system for erection'. No. No. This is not about injecting pellets into the penis to ensure erection.

Muse Therapy - D. D. Scott style - will consists of a series of articles launching me as a writer's go-to-gal for therapy aimed at injecting life, words, ideas, and stories into their tired and/or stressed out muses.

To borrow from Nora Roberts, we're going to be getting a grip on our "fickle muse sluts".

I'll show you how to analyze your muses' "disorders". Then, after much cuss and discuss, I'll give you the tools to reign in your creative divas and up your page counts.

You''ll discover, like I did, that the secret to upping your page count isn't done by saying "up yours" to your muses. Oh no. We're talking you wine and dine those fabulous chicks. Whether it's with coffee and chocolate or whining about your wardrobe and feasting on the fabulous finds in some chic boutique.

It's all about pampering those fickle sluts 'til you get out of them what you need.

We'll start with topics like:

'Unleashing Your Inner Sybil'

'Writing Bipolar: I Suck vs. I'm a Genius'

'What Do You Mean I'm Neurotic? No I'm Not. Well, Not Exactly. But Okay...There Are Times When. Like You Need to Know That. Anyway, I Was Thinking That My Jeep Is Red'

'Rorschach For Writers: I See Dead Lines'

'Stimulants: When Coffee, Chocolate, and Martinis Aren't Enough'

Okay...that's all for now. Just a peek. Look for my Muse Therapy launch this spring!!!

In the mean time, hunt down your fickle muse sluts and keep giving them mani/pedi combos. Come spring, they'll be glad you did and so will you.

Sexy, Sassy, Smart Wishes --- D. D. Scott

Labels: Muse Therapy

Felony, Misdemeanor, Infraction (Only the start of a convoluted set of laws)

You see the title of the blog. These are the categories of local law. The categories contain the convoluted mess of laws that police officers enforce.

A short explanation of the categories:

Felony - Everyone probably knows that felonies are the more serious crimes. They usually encompass crimes against the person that are either violent or potentially violent. The offenses can range from drunk driving (Yes, that's right!), battery (When one person strikes another)that involves serious injury, robbery, burglary, reckless homicide, causing permanent disfigurement by hitting someone with your stiletto, etc. Murder is not a felony. It is it's own category.

Misdemeanor - These are geared more toward crimes against property and society at large. Criminal mischief (vandalism), shoplifting, leaving the scene of an accident, etc. Less serious battery and drunk driving offenses, reckless driving, public intoxication, etc. also fall in this category. Mae West once said, "I consider sex a misdemeanor - the more I miss, de meaner I get". I've never seen anyone get arrested for this...

Infractions - These are your traffic tickets. Some alcohol offenses committed by underaged drinkers are also infractions.

I haven't even touched the surface. I'll explain more in future blogs. You will find out that the system of laws is very complicated. Even attorneys with huge law libraries and paralegals to do research have difficulty keeping up.

Among the things not to say to a police officer: "I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer". :-)

Let's be careful out there.

SM

Labels: Sweet Man's Cop Talk

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Do Penguins Have Knees?

Answering that question saved this RomCom Queen Wannabe...

So here's the scoop...Sweet Man and I were on vacation last week in Tennessee at a local Starbuck's in Pigeon Forge cussing and discussing how to use their wifi to get online. The process kind of bit the big one...well...not kind of...it just did. You were supposed to sign in and create an account with AT&T thru the coffeehouse's site then AT&T would send you an email with your new log-in passwords to continue accessing their connection. Too bad you had to go online to retrieve the password but couldn't do so until you'd managed to magically get online some other way...arghhhhhh!!!

Okay...what does that have to do with penguins having knees? Which they do btw.

Stumped as to how to get online, I discovered a goddess. One of the sassiest, most full of sarcastic fun and energy baristas I've ever met lamented over the idiotic process with me and offered to go out to her car and get her laptop. That way, she devised, being as she was much more clever than I, I could check my email on her laptop since she was already wifi ready thru Starbuck's service THEN I'd get my password so I could use the internet too.

Still not sure about the whole penguin connection?

Well...a couple of coffeehouse visits later, the same terrifically witty barista fixed my daily espresso therapy and needed to know for some text message she'd received from a friend "Do penguins have knees". Busy with some witch of a diva in the drive-thru and a line a mile long behind me, I was able to go online and google her question...only because her karma was so good for helping me get online to begin with days earlier.

And she and I's penguin connection went further. I'd noticed her wallpaper on her laptop was a photo of her performing with some show. The day following my discovery that penguins do have knees (tucked up under the fury parts of their bodies that we can't see when they're strutting their stuff), Sweet Man and I attended Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede Dinner Show. There was our favorite barista strutting her stuff in the fantastic show!!!

Karma is such a funny but fabulous thing!!! That sassy smart barista saved my day. I needed to get online to answer an email from the publicist of my dreams, and the internet is a tough treasure to find in the Smoky Mountains. In turn, I could then pay it forward by doing her penguin research. And who knew we'd both ended up knee-deep in fabulous fun at The Stampede.

Sexy, Sassy, Smart Wishes and Penguin Moments --- D. D. Scott

Labels: Karma Connections

Monday, January 12, 2009

Cracker Barrel, Chocolate, Coffee, Pop Culture and Therapy

Hello, y'all!!!

I'm coming to you from the Great Smoky Mountains in Gatlinburg Tennessee where I'm fixin' to recover from a writing deadline of every bestseller-wanna-be's dreams.

My agent called the Monday after Christmas and told me that three NY publishers needed more words and hotter sex for the first book in my Bootscootin' Blahniks series...oh yeah, baby...I've been cranking out love scenes for two weeks straight. I only hope the scenes went from "hot" to "hotter" like they were supposed to for the editors. I know I needed to either drink, smoke (which I don't), or take a cold shower every day after I finished writing...so I hope it does that for the editors too!!! LOL!!!

Now I've got to recharge my muses' batteries...no, not for their vibrators...LOL!!! So where am I finding fun and fabulous tidbits to get The Carrie Squad back into their next books? Okay...here's my secret...I love the quirky, wacky gifts in Cracker Barrel gift shops and pop culture stores.

Here are some wonderful, witty examples I've run across this week. I seem to gravitate toward those antique-looking, vintage metal signs that just scream Sexy, Sassy, Smart all over 'em. Here's a sneak peek:

"For some there's therapy, for the rest of us there's chocolate" (on a coffee mug)

"After all this therapy, I've finally realized it's all your fault" (on a vintage metal sign)

"Drink Coffee and do stupid things faster with more energy" (another vintage metal sign)

Are you feeling the same coffee, chocolate and therapy vibe I am? My muses are begging for all three!!! And I'm giving it all to them in the form of Starbucks (in Pigeon Forge where I'm sitting typing this with a grande red eye), home-made Smoky Mountain fudge, and retail therapy.

Then it's back to our cabin in the mountains where I'll give into my inner Ugly Betty fixations and settle in for the night to finish out the first season. Now there's some great writing and acting going on in that show!!!

Okay...there you have it...a little about how my creative mind works and what re-charges my muses for the next series...oh yeah, which I need to have partials done for like...now...

So back to work...

Sexy, Sassy, Smart Wishes --- D. D. Scott

Labels: My Muses (The Carrie Squad)

Friday, January 9, 2009

Sweet Man's Police Stuff (D. D.'s title not mine)

Blogging is a pain sometimes. I am not real wordy and it is hard to consistently write on various subjects. Who really cares what I think anyway? "So", I said to myself, "Why not concentrate on a subject that is not opinion based and is more informational in nature". Hmmm...Law Enforcement would be good. I should know SOMETHING of value after 26 years in the field. It is my hope that WIPS (Yes. I know what that means. Pretty good, huh?), writers, authors or anyone reading this blog can benefit from the information I will pass along. I don't know everything, but there are enough resources and contacts made over the years that an answer should be available for you.

Unfortunately for you, I'll still insert an occasional editorial on how messed up I think society, and the world at large are, but it will be my goal to educate. Keep in mind that every police officer has an opinion, and it IS the most important opinion in the world. :-)

I'll talk about police procedure, evidence handling, the egos and attitudes of law enforcement officers (What?!?), etc. Anything that applies to law enforcement.

A little about me. I have been with the Sheriff's Department for almost 26 years. I started as a jail officer, working in that capacity for two years. Moving up through the ranks, I have been a road patrol officer, a patrol shift sergeant and a patrol shift commander, after being promoted to my current rank of Captain. My current assignment is that of jail commander.

My credentials include certifications in: traffic accident reconstruction specialist, chemical breath test operator, the use of pepper spray, the use of a TASER (Oh, yeah! I haven't used the thing, though...), CPR and first aid. I was formerly a member of the department's SCUBA team.

I am president of the County Animal Shelter Advisory Board and vice-president of the Community Corrections Advisory Board.

I have served on the department's shooting review board, wage committee and helped write a K-9 policy and procedure. I have been blessed with a commendation for saving the life of a jail inmate and two "officer of the year" awards.

In my next blog, I will begin to pass on information. Please let me hear from you. What kind of things would you like to know? Talk to me about your experiences with law enforcement.

No, I do not take care of traffic tickets. :-)

Later,

SM

Labels: Sweet Man's Cop Talk

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Krispy Kreme Muses

So what do you think it says about your karma going into the new year if the following occurs...

To jolt your metabolism back from the land of the living way too large, you go to the grocery on New Year's Day to stock up on the Lean Cuisines you'll be surviving on the next two weeks. When, talk about visions of damned sugar plums, the first thing you see outside the store (you can't even make it into the building, mind you) is the Krispy Kreme delivery truck?!!! Grrrr....!!!!!!!!!!!

But despite the attack on my fragile psyche, the moment was sort of an aha for my muses The Carrie Squad. There, in that very obscene, jelly-filled, glazed moment, an idea for a story was born. A fabulous 'what if' involving a carb-challenged chick and her dream donut man.

That's one of the things I sooooo love about writing. I can take the seemingly horrific, you've-got-to-be-kidding quirks of life and turn them into sweet, gut-busting, hotter-than-hot-out-of-the-donut-fryer, LOL adventures.

How do you writers out there get your ideas? Who, what, where, when and/or whys and what ifs trip your creative triggers?

Happy New Year to All of You!!!

Sexy, Sassy, Smart Wishes --- D. D. Scott

Labels: My Muses (The Carrie Squad)